Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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