i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
