and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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