I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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