Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.