Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.