my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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