i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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