I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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