I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
COCAINE IS GR8
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
