Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
