I cannot find my penis.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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