I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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