Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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