yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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