There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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