Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
