lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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