Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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