Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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