apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
