Soap is not a condiment
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We were destined to go to rehab together
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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