if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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