His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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