Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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