i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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