Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
