If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
