if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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