I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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