the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize