I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
