I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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