my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
