This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
