Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
