I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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