I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
