Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
