I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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