I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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