Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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