Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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