you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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