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for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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