Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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