I cannot find my penis.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Green mimosas i think yes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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