I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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