my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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