My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
