I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
