what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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