I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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