there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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