Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
