Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
